Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i now understand why vodka
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
