i jhust puked up my retainher.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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