I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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