the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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