I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
