how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
