Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hippo gnu deer
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
