he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
