Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
