also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
