He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just had sex on a roof
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
