I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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