You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
