a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
