Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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