I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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