I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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