She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
