his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
