Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
