I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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