ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I cut my penus on the lid.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
