If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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