mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i came on her dog
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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