Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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