so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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