Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
