We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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