Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
