I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
