i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
