hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
