somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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