just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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