She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
