I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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