I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
