and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
