I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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