Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
