my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
