i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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