So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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