Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
