Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
