I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So vagazzling was a success
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
