I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
