He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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