woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
