Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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