when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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