Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
