Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
