She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
