hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
