could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
