I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
